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ENTER THE COMPETITION

In the brutal universe of Warhammer 40,000, anything is possible—except certainty. War, betrayal, and fleeting hope define the galaxy.

In our Fast Fiction competition, aspiring scribes test their storytelling skills by crafting gripping, character-rich tales within 1,000 words – delivering fast-paced fiction that captures the brutality, heroism, and intrigue of the 41st Millennium.

Submit your entry

Submission deadline is July 31, 2026 @ 11:59 PM PT

COMPETITION THEME EXPLAINED

“In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only… laughter?”

Warhammer 40,000 is a setting defined by its nihilism, its staggering scale, and its relentless tragedy. Yet, between the grinding gears of the Imperium and the madness of the Warp lies a rich vein of pitch-black comedy. From the self-serious pomposity of a planetary governor to the accidental slapstick of an Ork Waaagh!, the galaxy is full of gallows humour and colossal irony.

For this round of Fast Fiction, we want you to find the funny in the grimdark. We aren’t looking for parody or “breaking the fourth wall”—we want the organic, cynical, and snarky humour that arises when humanity (and its enemies) face annihilation with a smirk.

FAQ for "LAUGHING MATTERS"

No. It can be dark, satirical, or exaggerated. In fact, the most effective “Laughing Matters” stories are those where the characters take their absurd situation completely seriously.  Whether it’s the gallows humour of a guardsman, the sarcastic banter of crypteks, or parody of political climates, all are welcome.

Who knows! Orks are a classic source of humour, but we encourage writers to explore other factions too. How do the Necrons deal with “kids these days”? What is the funniest thing a Drukhari has ever done (to someone else)? Try to think of outlandish scenarios.

As long as it fits the tone of the universe. Remember: it’s only funny until someone loses an eye…and in 40k, losing an eye is just the setup.

Warhammer began as a satire of British politics and social structures in the 80s. If your story uses the setting to highlight the absurdity of war, bureaucracy, or zealotry, it fits the theme perfectly. Humour is subjective, so we’re looking for a wide array of stories.

Funny thing is… No! We feel there is humour to be found in EVERY faction, so for the first time we’ve removed all restrictions. Happy writing!

The secret is sincerity. An approach here would be that your characters shouldn’t know they are in a funny story. To a Guardsman, the fact that his lasgun battery is being used to jump-start a toaster isn’t a “joke”—it’s a desperate, frustrating reality. The humor comes from the reader observing the absurdity of that reality, not from the characters winking at the camera.

Sure! Think of irony, satire, gallows humour, and the absurdity that only Warhammer 40,000 can achieve. The accidental genius of a Grot rebellion; snark in the face of death by Heretic Astartes. Or bureaucratic nightmares by the Astra Militarum.

Of course! The humour of Custodes (for example) is often their role as “The Straight Man” comedy—being so incredibly literal or stoic that the world around them looks ridiculous.

That’s the joke.

THE COMPETITION RULES

THE SETTING

Dive into the universe of Warhammer 40,000 and tell your story within its vast, grimdark setting.

Theme-based

Weave your story according to the theme - as told through the subtext, environment, characters, or conflict.

1000 Word limit

This isn't world-building: Fast Fiction stories must have a beginning, middle, and end and come in at under 1,000 words. No cliffhangers!

Proof Your Work

Review your submission for grammar and spelling. Formatting details can be found below.

New Characters

Create someone new! We prefer original, distinct characters that grow and change through the story.

One Chance

Participants in the contest are limited to one submission each.

FACTION RESTRICTION LIST

To foster creativity and diverse storytelling, each competition enforces a Faction Restriction List. This prevents repetition and encourages writers to explore lesser-seen narratives. A restriction means your narrator, protagonist, or primary POV character cannot be from the banned faction. Stories that do not follow the restriction list cannot score in the official selection. 

Looking for inspiration? Click one of the factions below for some tropes or ask questions in our Discord.

🚫 For "Laughing Matters" we have removed ALL faction restrictions for the first time. Happy writing! 🚫

Chaos

Imperium

Xenos

HOW TO ENTER

✅ Step 1: Format your story using the Cold Open Stories Submission Template with British English spelling (Oxford Style Guide). Fast Fiction entries must be 1,000 words or less.

✅ Step 2: Save as .docx or .doc and attach it to an email.

✅ Step 3: In the email body, include:

  • Your name
  • Story title & word count
  • Social media/website (if applicable)
  • 100-word bio

✅ Step 4: Set the subject line as: 📩 FAST FICTION LAUGHING MATTERS 2026 SUBMISSION – [Your Story Title]

✅ Step 5: Send to coldopenstories.editors@gmail.com

The Cold Open Stories Discord is a great place to get feedback on your entry before submitting, or to scope out your competition.

Submit your story

Meet The Judges

Colyn DeGraaff (He/Him) is a communications director, intercultural advisor, and designer living in Canada. He launched Cold Open Stories with the goal of merging Warhammer’s setting with the presentation of old time radio, and to tackle the stigma behind fan fiction and give amateur authors a place to explore non-canon stories.

Community Guest Judge – Announcement Coming Soon

Terms & Conditions

Terms & Conditions

Terms & Conditions

COLD OPEN STORIES is a place for authors to share their talents, get seen, and celebrate fandom. We are committed to helping new and emerging voices get recognized, and no money exchanges hands through our site. We believe that diversity in fiction in an excellent way to find new voices and stories. We want this to be reflected in our content and welcome submissions from every race, nationality, gender, and sexual orientation.

Want to learn more about how your Short Fiction submission will be presented, promoted, and potentially adapted into an audio drama? Expand one of the categories below for more details.

Reply Process

Reply Process

1. Upon submission, writers will receive an email confirming that their entry has been received. 

2. If the piece does not meet submission criteria, the writer will receive an email explaining why the piece has been rejected. If the writer does not receive a letter of rejection at this point, then the piece has met all submission criteria and will be passed on to the editing team for review. (This review process may take some time, potentially several weeks depending on the size of the amount of submissions received during any given period.)

3. Once the piece has been reviewed, the writer will either receive a letter of rejection if the piece needs more work, or an offer to continue with the revision process in preparation for publication.

4. Upon acceptance, the writer will work closely with the editing team in order to further revise the piece and come up with an end product that all parties are satisfied with.

5. Once the piece is ready, both parties will sign a contract allowing Cold Open Stories permission to publish the piece. More about this process can be found below.

Our average initial response time is one to three days, however the tides of the Warp are ever-changing and some astropathic emails may be missed! If you haven’t heard back from us after a week, feel free to contact us as coldopenstories.editors@gmail.com.

Publishing

Publishing
1. The Author grants Cold Open Stories permission to reproduce and publicly distribute the short story in digital form on the Cold Open Stories website (http://www.coldopenstories.com).
2. Authors maintain the ability to publish their work with other partners or websites, blogs, subreddits, but a “First published on www.coldopenstories.com” is greatly appreciated.
3. The Author agrees that the short story was written by them as an unofficial fan work and was made for non-commercial entertainment.
4. The Author agrees that any edits to the short story’s content will be offered for review and consideration, and that creative control over these edits remain with the Author. Control over these edits are waived for formatting requirements necessary for posting on the Cold Open Stories website (font size, colour, page breaks).
5. The Author will maintain ownership of the short story. Publishing, submission, and selling rights remain with the Author if the story goes to print or it is shown there is a demand for it.
6. The Author will receive written credit on the Cold Open Stories website with a “Written By” acknowledgement preceding the short story. The Author will receive links to their social(s) and website (if available) and will provide Cold Open Stories with a brief biography to include on the site.

Promotion

Promotion
1. The Author assigns to Cold Open Stories the permission to promote the short story across social media platforms (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram) for the purposes of directing traffic, generating readership, and reader entertainment.
2. The Author grants Cold Open Stories the permission to include extracts or passages of the short story in promotional materials.

Adaptation

Adaptation
1. The Author gives Cold Open Stories the option to adapt the story into an audio drama or dramatized narration (digital format) which would include dialogue by actors, composition of original music, and sound design. Creative control to make edits or changes to the short story to fit this adaptation is understood. Authors have the option to opt-out if they are not comfortable with this. 
2. The Author grant Cold Open Stories permission to publish, reproduce, and publicly distribute the produced audio drama or dramatized narration across streaming services (Apple Podcast, Soundcloud, Podbean, Spotify, YouTube) in serialized and completed formats.
3. The Author will receive verbal and written credit in the Cold Open Stories adaptation with a “Story By” acknowledgement.
4. The Author agrees that Cold Open Stories receives an exclusive first right of refusal for other proposed fan audio adaptations.

Financial

Financial
1. The Author agrees that the work performed in writing the short story was done on a volunteer, non-commercial basis and acknowledges that there is no employment relationship, remuneration, or salary offered by Cold Open Stories for the actions of publishing, promoting, or adapting the short story online.
2. Individuals or organizations who are interested in financially supporting Cold Open Stories or the Author will be directed to support the Author directly on their website or social accounts, or to donate to a charitable organization, identified by Cold Open Stories, which is committed to improving accessibility for multi-barriered populations.